I suppose this is a little downhearted for how new this blog is, but even when it was just a barely there idea, I knew I wanted this blog to really be a reflection of my lifestyle. Disappointment and downheartedness, unfortunately, are part of that.
Quite recently, in the past month in fact, I lost a job I absolutely loved. It was a tough job but I loved my coworkers and it was rewarding. Unfortunately, they decided to shut our office and I was left sort of stranded - we had three weeks notice but I was terrified. I was disappointed and I was scared - I'm always one to be a little bit terrified of the future so suddenly not knowing where it was going was a huge shock to my situation.
One thing that made it worse was the fact I'm in a long distance relationship. This was an issue for two reasons - a) my job was incredibly flexible, so I could take every other weekend off no worries to visit my boyfriend and b) my boyfriend was supposed to be up here in Glasgow for three months, and I'd already arranged my work schedule to accommodate that. Not only had I lost my job, but I'd actually lost a fairly large part of the way my personal life worked.
But I managed to pick myself up. I wouldn't say I'm back on my feet, but I'm at least to my knees and then came the second blow, not directly to me this time, but it still affects me and it still brings that black cloud of worry and stress with it.
My boyfriend is in the forces and the past few months he's been working his ass off to get his career onto the track he wants. Just the other night, he found out that regardless of the work he'd put in, it wasn't going to go the way he wanted. This changes everything. He's lost the three months he thought he'd have off, and now he's going to be moving to a base that's harder for me to get to. Never mind that I now have a job where I can't just up and take off whenever I want.
For someone who hates change, who resists shock and uncertain futures, it's all a bit of a mess. Positive thinking is all well and good but it's hard. Long distance relationships are hard. Being fairly alone in a city you still barely know is hard. And now it feels like I've been kicked in the kneecaps while I'm just trying to get back in the race.
Sometimes you have to wonder what's coming next, and all you can do is cross your fingers that it's going to be okay.
- Emmy xo